'An Independent Baptist Church'

HOW TO WIN YOUR SPOUSE TO CHRIST

Text - 1 Peter 3:1-5  "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2  While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 3  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4  But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 5  For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

Intro - All across America Countless men and women will go to church alone.....husbands and wives will go to church alone while their spouses stay at home, mow the grass, go hunting or golfing, or catch up on jobs around the home or just hang around the house...they don't want to come with their mates..


Either they are unsaved and have no interest in spiritual matters....perhaps they've had a bad experience in church ...
or perhaps they used to go but have just gotten out of the habit...

My heart aches for these dear Christian people who must come to church alone....or bring the children by themselves...while the person they love most in the world...stays home...

Many of These precious people will be tempted every week just to stay at home....what's the use....

but they will come because they know they should and they know they need to be fed God's Word.

And they will walk through the foyer alone, while others husbands and wives walk in and sit down together...they will either sit alone, or with a son or daughter, or another friend they've met in church...

As I've looked at this painful and very real subject, I have discovered some very interesting facts:

No two situations are identical

*Sometimes it is the husband who comes without his wife....
but more commonly it is the wife who comes without her husband...

*In some cases when the couple got married, both were unsaved...and at a later point, one of them came to Christ..

*In other cases, a Christian guy or gal knowingly married an unsaved person...despite clear warnings from Scripture...
 (in many cases the Christian person really thinks they can win the person to Christ after they are married)

*In some marriages, the conflict with their unsaved mate is relatively mild, and the trend is very hopeful and looking up...

*In too many other cases, however, the conflict is intense...
One mate...usually the husband makes live a living hell for the saved mate...(Cases where one will not speak to the other person for 3 or 4 days after they've went to church)

and instead of getting better...it is getting worse....as the months and even years go by...

I've seen cases where the unsaved mate feels threatened by their spouse going to church.....(rather be at church than with me).....or even jealous and accuse person of flirting someone else at church!

Other things I have learned about men and women who do not want to come to church with their mate

*In most cases where one mate does not want to come to church or is even hostile to the mention of church...it is because....
 ....there has been a bad experience with church in their past

  ....In other cases, a personal tragedy has occurred and the person blames God...or questions why God allowed it to happen...

.....or still yet, one of most common reasons....the person sees hypocrisy in the church...perhaps in one of the people who go there to church...or in many of the people who attend that particular church.

But in many cases, the other mate is a Christian and over the months or years....they've just drifted away from the Lord and got out of the habit of going to church....


Serious consequences of unequal yoke

1. No spiritual intimacy shared with your mate

    While other couples are able to worship the Lord together...you cannot worship with your mate


You cannot grow in your walk with the Lord together
you cannot take your problems to the Lord together as a couple....you must take them to the Lord alone...

You cannot talk to your spouse about the Bible and any aspect of the Christian life...

2. No support in Spiritual rearing of Children (& Possible hindrance)

  *Your mate sees no need of spiritual training for children

  *No encouragement or help in taking children to church

3. Moral values of your mate are often (not all the time) radically different from yours....

  *Foul language, addictions, alcohol, pornography, your friends and his friends..

 Many others are married to a very moral person, but the person doesn't want to hear anything ever mentioned about Christ or the Bible...or going to church

OTHER FRUSTRATIONS IN DIVIDED HOUSEHOLDS
 

David R. Mains lists the following in a helpful pamphlet entitled 'DIVIDED HOUSEHOLDS':

"One woman identified self-esteem as a common problem: 'I'm frustrated because I know I'm not the wife he wants me to be, and that leaves me feeling inadequate and defensive."  Another remarked, "Frequently, I'm torn between pleasing God and pleasing my husband.  I don't want to lose either one, but too often I find myself caught in the middle.'  Or another says, 'I'd say my major frustration is loneliness. Even at church its like no one really knows what I'm going through, or they just choose to ignore the problem.  Everything is planned for couples or families, but nobody realizes your situation is different, you know what I mean?'  Where do I go for help?  I write my parents, then I have them mail their advice to my office so my wife won't read what they say and get angry."  Another says, "Well, my closest friend is another woman in the same situation.  We get together and commiserate.  I don't know if that is good or bad!"  'I feel like my life is directionless.  I just live it a day at a time, and pray I can cope with each new crisis as it comes up.  I try not to think of the future.  Do I ever consider calling it quits?  Only every other week!"


The Bible clearly says the Ideal is to follow God's Guidelines & and only marry committed follower of Christ
(How can two walk together except they be agreed?)

But we realize this doesn't always happen...

*Christian girls 'date' unsaved boy and fall in love

*two unsaved people get married and one finds Christ after the marriage

Before we look at what the Bible says to help these Believers who are in unequal yokes or divided households, let's look at what you and I can do to help these precious people...as fellow brothers and sisters in Christ...

1) Keep open lines of communication with these people.

   Let these people know you are interested in their situations and let them know you really care...
   Be there to listen when they just want to talk and share their burdens...

2) Support them with your prayers...

  What they need is really beyond our ability to solve...

3.  Be a substitute Spiritual partner to them.....

    Fellows with single husbands...be their buddy at Church
    Ladies with single wives... be their pal at Church
    Sit with them at church....
    Do things together in church...include them in outings and church social events...
    Discuss the sermon with them and Bible topics...

Pitfalls to Avoid and common mistakes that Christians make with their spouses who are either unsaved or just have stopped coming to church with them
  
1. Realize what does not work...and in fact, even makes things worse

Nagging doesn't work
Preaching to them doesn't work
Yelling or threats do not work
pouting does not work
withholding closeness and romance does not work (blackmail)
arguing and fighting about it doesn't work
social ambushing does not work...(invite Christian couple over for dinner)


2. You can't become obsessed with the problem....

Realize you must turn this over to the Lord and follow his instructions....
You cannot change another person, God must change that person.

3. Avoid turning against your mate...

 Some people get so discouraged, frustrated, and even angry about the matter, they turn against their mate...and when that happens "The end is near".....(famous last words of the wrestler who was bent double by his opponent and was in such a contorted hold that he was facing his hind end...and he said "My end is near"

4. Realize it doesn't do any good to blame God or to blame others...

5. Realize self-pity and false guilt accomplish nothing!

6. Realize that while you are waiting on your mate to come to the Lord, you can still enjoy life and its many blessings God has given you , enjoy your Church and your walk with the Lord.

(Many wrongly think I will never be truly happy until my mate is saved.....You can turn it over to the Lord and be happy now!)

7. Don't stop serving and obeying the Lord yourself....
    
   Many wives, especially just stop coming to church or serving because their husband doesn't want them too or even threatens them...

This never works...only makes things worse...because realize you are the sanctifying aspect of your home....you are the connection to Christ in your home...don't cut that connection off..

Reply calmly and sweetly "Honey I love you, but I must obey the Lord.  I will not neglect my duties as a wife, but I am going to church, and I am going to serve in that church in the particular area of ministry God has called me too....(choir, youth, etc)

Assume an area of ministry....you can not afford to wait 20 years before you mate is saved before you start serving the Lord....

8. Don't compromise your values.....

  (If husband wants you to go to beer joint or porn movie, etc)

9.  Never, Never.....give up hope!

Verse - Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. 12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.


I have know people who have waited for YEARS for the mate to come to the Lord....There is no quick-fix promise of instant delivery of salvation to your mate......

WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ON HOW YOUR MATE CAN BE WON TO THE LORD


Text - 1 Peter 3:1-5  "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2  While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
3  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
4  But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
5  For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

The Promise -  "They may be won"   
What a wonderful promise!

(without hearing the Word Preached in its usual way)

He does not promise that the Preacher or friends can win him, but......the wife can.....if she meets the following conditions.. (sometimes the Word can be lived more powerfully in a life than it can be spoken with lips)

The Conditions -  

1. The Wife's Attitude

  Submission - verse 1 -
You will not win your husband by Nagging, pleading, begging, threatening, withholding love, and other responsibilities of being a wife...but you will by your sweet behavior

  What Submission does not mean -

Slave, doormat, Dictator, inferiority, always give in

Wife should never face physical abuse or physical danger & God never expects wife to stay in this atmosphere...

  When a wife should not submit -  

  Acts 5:29 "Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men."

Examples - If your husband asks you to sin (Porn movie)
          - If your husband forbids you to go to church
              or take children to Church.
          - If your husband forbids you to serve the Lord in capacity.  (granted you don't want to over-do it.....)

What it is does mean -

A loving respect and honor to your husband as God's appointed leader in the Home.. 

Submission -  Why?   (3 reasons)

1.  Obligation (v1)
                           
2. Opportunity (v2)

3. Its adornment (v3-5)

  One thing is for sure - a Wife's insubordinate attitude will never win her husband to the Lord!

2. The wife's behavior - conduct - manner of life

  (1611 - "conversation" meant Lifestyle and conduct

and behavior)


Verse 2 - As husband observes your pure, spotless behavior, coupled with your reverence and respectful attitude, God says they ...may...be...won..

*Not by hearing Gospel Sermons, because he may not listen to a sermon..

*Not by going to church, because he may not attend God's House

*Not by reading the Bible, because he may never read the Bible

*Not by Hanging around Christian Friends, because he may not have good Christian friends

The only contact that most unsaved husbands have with Christians is with their wives in their home.

Christian wife - will you not pray that God will help you live a manner of life that will win your husband?

3.  The Wife's Appearance

What this verse does not mean -
  It does not mean wife should not make herself look nice

Context of this verse in Roman Culture - women competed with each other over the latest fashions and would try to out do each other....all for the purpose of impressing each other....

and many thought they could impress their husbands to come to church by doing this.....

Coiffures - elaborate braiding of hair where they would spend hours in preparation as the hair was braided and gold and silver combs were placed through out the hair and even jewels...

gaudy display of jewelry....best example  (Tammy Faye or Jan Crouch in TBN)

- ladies take a little time and effort to look nice for your husband when he comes home at work at night (even if you've come home from work too!)


4. Not by Adornment

  ..but by a meek and quiet spirit....gentle, kind, not bossy, hateful loud mouth, giddy, temper-tantrum...love and show respect and admiration for your husband's good points..

You may need to ask God to help you do this....

verse 5 - God says this has worked in the past for women and will work for you today.

Put it into action when your husband comes home tomorrow from work...

Your Attitude

Smile
sweet demeanor & greeting - hug & kiss on cheek

 (Warning - do this open area of living room because of danger if husband faints and falls)

Your Appearance
Hair fixed, make-up touched up, look attractive...(like when he came for a date) ..perfume on
(Don't look like...well, let's not get into that.....)

If possible, have kids to help and have house at least in decent shape so he's proud to come home to it.....

Objection - but I work too...if he wants a neat house the big jerk can help me a little around the house....(that's not the attitude we're looking for here...)

If you both work, maybe you can have the TV dinner already in the microwave....

If you continue to act this way, God says your husband may be won to the Lord!