FACING SEXUAL TEMPTATION

AND PORNOGRAPHY

Marriage is a wonderful thing!

Hebrews 13:4 says,

"Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge."

I believe that for every person hearing my voice who wishes an desires the companionship of marriage.....God WILL bring that person to you....in His time!

God does not want us miserable, and He wants to grant the desires of our hearts.  Doesn't Psalms 37:4,5 say,

"Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 5 Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."

I believe that.   If you desire companionship, God will bring that companion to you.....if we don't jump ahead of Him and pick ahead of Him!

Now there are others listening to my voice who have the gift of SINGLENESS.

You are quite happy and satisfied just the way you are!

Just give you a dog or cat....you don't need a man or a woman!

You can come and go as you please, do what you want when you want to do it, and you answer to no one, and you are quite happy with that arrangement! 

That is great for people who are gifted in that way.

But for others of us, and I would say the great majority, we need and desire companionship of a man and a woman. 

And God has granted those desires in marriage.   But according to Hebrews 13:4 that we just read, He forbids the satisfaction of those desires outside of the marriage relationship.

Satan, Arch-enemy of our souls, always tries to substitute his lie for God's Truth.

Satan would try to convince us:

   "Man and woman have physical needs and desires of the opposite sex, and there is nothing wrong with satisfying those desires with whomever we please..."

Satan would also try to convince us:

   "The human body is beautiful, therefore it is not wrong to lust and desire after another person, even if that person is not our spouse..."

But Matthew 5:27,28 says,

"Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: 28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."

I titled this message when it was preached at our church,

"EVERY MAN'S BATTLE"...

The struggle with Sexual Temptation is indeed a battle every young man will face in his lifetime, but in reality our topic of Sexual addiction and moral purity is a battle every man AND woman must face!

What I want to talk about today is a particular snare or trap that a man, especially young men, are vulnerable to......

ADDICTION TO PORNOGRAPHY

Parents, your sons will have to face this battle.  Your grandsons will have to face it as well. 

Addiction to pornography....is especially 'EVERY MAN'S BATTLE' because MEN are primarily driven VISUALLY....

Men are excited by what they SEE....whereas a woman is primarily stimulated by feelings, romance, and feeling they are cared for and loved.

The devil knows this, too!

1 John 2:16 says,

"For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world."

The devil tempts us with 3 methods.......The Pride of Life, the Lust of the Flesh, and the Lust of the EYES.......

If the devil can get a young man, or young woman, to see that first picture, magazine, video or movie scene.....He can implant that image in your mind, and he can use it to ENTRAP you, ENSLAVE you as a snare or a trap, to where you can't that image out of your mind.....

My friend,  the visual images of pornography can consume a young man's mind and become an obsession, to the point he can't get it out of his mind, and thinks about it day and night.  It will control you entire life to the point you want more and more...

PORNOGRAPHY NEVER SATISFIES

Proverbs 27:20 teaches,

"Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied."

Unless that young man 'BREAKS' that cycle, pornography can become so destructive because it progresses to different degrees of satisfaction...

You will need to see MORE pictures...

Then it will progress to Acting Out and Involvement....

......Going to the strip bars

......900 phone sex lines....

......Illicit affairs, prostitutes, adultery, fornication

......and the next step, unless stopped, is VIOLENCE AND CRIME

Rape, Exhibition, etc.
 

LIVING TWO LIVES

The person with sexual addiction lives two lives....a public life AND

a private life no one knows about....yet....

A life he is ashamed of...One that is making him miserable.  The Guilt and the Shame......

WHAT CAN IT COST YOU?

Consider......unless this cycle of addiction is broken....it could lead to actual involvement in an illicit affair, a prostitute......

and the very real possibility of contacting a sexually-transmitted disease....

and then passing that on to your wife...or husband....and this leading to their death!

Are we willing to pay that cost?

My friend, sexual addiction....beginning with pornography of some type...can cost you your job, your career, your marriage, your reputation........

Unless you break the cycle NOW.....with God's Help.

But....you have got to come to the point that you WANT to DO THAT!

But also consider the effect that this sexual addiction of pornography can have on your children......

1. We are told that 70% of pornography gets into the hands of children.

Mom and dad, it is not worth it!

But another disturbing Biblical principle is the fact that:

2. When fathers delve into pornography, it is very likely their children will indulge in it.

The Bible principle most disturbing is just this.

Often in the Bible we see a sin practiced by the father, also practiced by the son!

Recall how Abraham lied about his wife and said she was his sister?

Did you realize his son, Isaac, did the same thing years later!

Recall how David had a problem with lust and could not stay faithful to one woman?

Well, guess what....his son, Solomon, had the same problem!

We are told that Solomon had 300 wives and 700 concubines!

If he reigned 40 years (as the Bible says), that means a woman lasted about 2 weeks before he got another one!

Let's read about David's addiction in 2 Samuel 11:1,2

"And it came to pass, after the year was expired, at the time when kings go forth to battle, that David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the children of Ammon, and besieged Rabbah. But David tarried still at Jerusalem. 2 And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king's house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon.
 

Notice that David 'SAW' the woman.  Oh, what we let enter our 'eye gate' can have a devastating effect!   Just think of what transpired because of this one event!

By the way, mothers.....we need your help here.  Notice David was enticed by what he 'saw'.  Now I'm sure Bathsheba was part to blame her.  Did She know David could see her from his balcony?  Mothers, Please help your daughters in the clothing selections.  Please don't let them dress too suggestively.  I realize the styles today are what they are...but look at what your precious daughter is wearing and don't let it cross the line to where it is seductive....

But now let's get back to this situation with David and the results and devastation that happened because of that one night....that one visual event of seeing that woman taking a bath......

Oh, Daddy is it worth having that magazine in your home for your children possibly to see?   What about the Premium cable movie channel, or that INTERNET on computer left unsupervised?

What about the movies we rent from the video store that are R rated or even PG 13 with very explicit and seductive scenes?

ONE REASON SO MANY YOUNG PEOPLE ARE ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY TODAY IS BECAUSE DAD WAS INVOLVED WITH IT AND A SON OR GRANDSON GOT A HOLD OF IT.

Dad, Granddad, do you realize what you could be doing?

I hope you are convicted in your heart RIGHT NOW to get rid of the stuff in your home TODAY!

DANGER SIGNALS

Men, there are danger signals that could make us susceptible to this problem.

First,

TOO BUSY SCHEDULE

We are asking for trouble if we're working or gone all the time and we have not time alone with our mate.  This leads to.....

NO INTIMACY AT HOME

If husband and wife are too busy and don't have regular time alone for intimacy, this is trouble waiting to happen....we get lonely for that intimacy....and in the right situation......

HIGH EXPOSURE TO TEMPTATION

Whether this be on business trip with porn available in lobby, or with movies on the cable TV....

or....lots of time on the computer....or...

If we work with attractive co-worker of the opposite sex....when combined with any of the factors above....

HIGH RISK OF DANGER!!!

WHAT ARE SOME SYMPTOMS THAT SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT IS ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY

or progressed to further levels of sexual addiction....

FLIRTING

When around the opposite sex, an abnormal

 'flirting' is obvious.

UNEXPLAINED LATE MEETINGS.....GONE MORE THAN NORMAL

EXCESSIVE TIME ON COMPUTER WHEN NO ONE IS AROUND

LIES AND COVER-UP

You notice that something is wrong.  Life usually makes sense, and when there are things happening that explanations just don't fit...it is possible this person has a sexual addiction and is now progressed to lies and cover-up.

But here is the big symptom...

SUDDENLY NO NEED FOR INTIMACY AT HOME

When there is intimacy, it is forced.  Always tired, always too busy, always excuses, always promises, always postponement....

HOW TO I DEAL WITH MY SEXUAL ADDICTION?

Proverbs 28:13 says,

"He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy."

THERE MUST BE A TURNING POINT

You come to the point where you decide you must do something about your problem.  You have determined you have got to break the cycle...

This crisis point my come when you are discovered....by your mate, by a co-worker, etc.

YOU REALIZE AFTER TRYING AND FAILING....YOU MUST GET HELP TO QUIT YOUR ADDICTION

Especially with sexual addiction, pornography, etc... the addicted person most all of the time.....needs help...to quit.

Rarely, is this problem solved by one's own self without help from someone else.

You will need your wife's help and understanding if she had discovered your addiction.  A wife would be wise to take the proper approach to helping her husband.  Erwin Lutzer describes to approaches a wife can take when she finds out about her husband problem.  One is wise and the other is not.  Here is the unwise approach:

"If I ever catch you with a magazine like this again, I'm out of here.  What are you, some kind of a pervert!?"

A much wiser approach would be:

"What you have done hurts me, but I love you; I know you have fallen into a snare, but I want to be here to help you.  I promise to encourage you and to love you.  Let's face all of this together."

Which approach do you think helped that husband the most?

FIND SOMEONE SAFE

Someone who you can trust.  Someone who will truly want to help you and not condemn you.  Someone who you can trust and who will be confidential.

Oh, but Pastor, I am to ashamed to let anyone else know.

As a pastor I have had men come to me for help with this matter.  I want to truly help these men and they need not feel ashamed.  Listen, we all have our problems and we need to be willing to help others!  Our founding pastor, Pastor Harold Head, is very good to go to with this type of problem too.   If you think we will look down upon you and condemn you, you just don't know us very well!

We want to help you!   We know HOW to help now.  We have  the phone numbers of professional groups who deal with this type of problem and they will counsel you over the phone and will check up on you regularly.  Focus on the Family can get you in contact with this help too. 

In sexual addiction, you need someone to be accountable to.....someone you can trust.

PRAY FOR THE LORD'S HELP

Erwin Lutzer has a helpful prayer in his book SEVEN SNARES OF THE ENEMY on page 94,

"Father, I confess that  pornography is sin.  I admit that I have willingly believed Satan's lie that since the human body is beautiful, I have a right to gaze upon it to fulfill my lusts.  I acknowledge that Your Word commands me to be holy and blameless, and that he lusts of the flesh are of the world.  Forgive me for grieving the Spirit through my rationalizations and unbelief.  I now take back all the ground I have given to Satan by watching sensual images on television, the internet, videos, magazines.  I break this stronghold of the Enemy in the powerful name of Jesus.  In faith, I accept my oneness with Christ and I choose to not "let sin reign in my mortal body so that I obey its evil desires" (Romans 6:12)   Let me be willing to pay the price of humility and accountability in breaking my secret habit. I affirm today that I am accountable to Christ and acknowledge Him as Lord of my mind, my heart, and my body.  I commit to a life of holiness, whatever the cost.   In Jesus' Name, Amen.

FIND SCRIPTURE TO RESIST THE DEVIL AND HE WILL FLEE FROM YOU

Doesn't James 4:7 teach this?   Didn't Jesus resist the devil with Scripture?  Should not we then?

A couple of very helpful passages to memorize and quote when needed in time of temptation are:

Romans 6:11-13 says,

"Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. 12 Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. 13 Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God."

Philippians 4:8

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

Memorize these verses and let them soak into your very Soul!

But notice that the last part of Romans 6:13 gives more helpful advice to deal with problems such as addiction to porn....

GET BUSY SERVING THE LORD IN YOUR CHURCH

Idle hands are the Devil's tools!

Remember how David was at home on his balcony when he should have been out at battle with his soldiers!

When you are tempted to look at the magazine or video, pick up your Bible and study it;  Get a ministry you can be involved in down at your good church, etc...

REFOCUS YOUR BUSY SCHEDULE AT YOUR JOB OR COMMUNITY INVOLVEMENT

MAKE SURE YOU HAVE TIME AT HOME WITH YOUR SPOUSE

HAVE A TIME OF INTIMACY WITH YOUR MATE EVERY NIGHT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

This will not be easy.  You will have to work at it.   Get a lock for your bedroom doors.   Take a little nap first if you are too tired.  Go to bed earlier.  Do what you have to do.  I have found that spending time with your mate regularly will take care of a lot of your problems with pornography or other sexual addictions!

Keeping things right at home will take care of a lot of other problems!   Make the time.

Remember the warning from Scripture in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5,

"Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."

STAY AWAY FROM DANGER ZONE OF TEMPTATION!

Certain places and things are going to tempt you....stay away from them!

1 Thessalonians 5:22 says,

"Abstain from all appearance of evil."

and 2 Timothy 2:22 says,

"Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart."
 

Stay away from the porn magazines, videos, R-rated movies....do go near the stuff...because you know you have a weakness for it and Satan knows you are vulnerable to it!

If the Internet is getting you, have it removed or at least put your computer in the Living Room where you cannot get alone with it....You may have to remove it completely.

If you are tempted by a co-worker and this could end up destroying your marriage, you may have to change jobs....

BE ON GUARD EVERY DAY WITH PRAYER AHEAD OF TIME

Ask God to help you that day to face the temptation as it comes.

KEEP THINKING OF THE CONSEQUENCES WHEN YOU ARE TEMPTED TO ACT OUT ON YOUR ADDICTION

REMEMBER JESUS PROMISED HE CAN SET YOU FREE FROM YOUR ADDICTION

JOHN 8:34,36 says,

"Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.
36 If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

My friend, through the power of Jesus Christ...

You can be restored to fellowship!

Your marriage can be restored!

Your Joy and usefulness to the Lord can be restored!

Trust can be restored to your mate!

Intimacy can be restored!

There is HOPE.

My friend, if you have never trusted Christ as your Savior, you need to right now.  Realize your lost sinful condition and trust Jesus' death as Calvary to pay for your sins.  Call upon Him now.

Romans 10:13 says,

For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.