'An Independent Baptist Church'

          Your Prodigal Child

This is one of the saddest messages I have ever given....Parents, is there anything more heartbreaking than to see a child of ours completely reject the things of the Lord and the love we have tried to give them..???

In churches all across America there are men and women who have lost someone they love. No, the person isn't dead, but the pain of the loss is just as intense. They have a prodigal: a son or daughter, a grandchild, or a sister or a brother who has walked away from God and the family. Here is a typical letter parents all across America could write and sign their name to....

Dear Pastor,
I am writing you this letter this morning because my heart is very heavy. I've been carrying a burden for a long time, and I don't know where to turn for help. I've wanted to talk to people in my church about it, but if I do, I'm afraid it will become the subject of gossip. I'm not sure I can stand that, so I'm sharing my heart with you, hoping you can give me some advice. We have five grown sons.  The three oldest live with their wives and children in Birmingham, where they were born and grew up before my husband was transferred. They are all fine young men, very much involved in a good church.  My 5th son is married to a nice girl, and they live in a nearby town and attend a church in that town.

But, I didn't tell you anything about our fourth son.  Like the other boys, he grew up in church. Every time the doors were open, we were there. He heard the message of Christ loudly, clearly and often. Morris was a loveable boy, and he sang in the choir. He volunteered to speak at every year's Youth Sunday. In fact, when the boys were young, I told my friends that he would be the one who would become a preacher or a missionary. He had such a sweet spirit.
After Morris graduated from high school, he went to college. For the first couple of years, he remained faithful to God, but then, something happened. I'm not sure what it was, but something turned his heart cold. When he came home on some weekends, we noticed that he didn't sing the hymns, and he backed away from my friends he had hugged only a few months before. I thought this was just one of those "phases" we hear about.
A few weeks later, a friend called us. His daughter went to the same university and she had told her parents that Morris had been drinking and partying a lot. We were shocked, but when we tried to talk to him about it, he shook his head. He didn't want to talk about his drinking. Instead, he dropped a bomb on us. He told us that he was getting married in two weeks. You guessed it. She was pregnant.
Morris quit college just before his senior year. His wife had the baby and they seemed to be doing well, considering the circumstances. After about two years, though, he told his wife he didn't love her any more, and he moved out. We found out later that he was having an affair with a woman he worked with.
He moved to get farther away from us and from his wife and child. We see him about every three months, and we talk to him on the phone almost every week, but he has made it clear that he doesn't want to talk to us about the Lord, church or his decisions that have caused us and him so much pain. We recently learned that he is living with a woman, and they aren't married.
Pastor, I'm struggling. How can a child grow up hearing the message of the gospel, have four brothers who love God and parents who would die for him, and end up so far away from God? Isn't there a verse in the Bible that says if we had raised him right he'd be serving the Lord today? I'm sure I've heard people quote that verse many times over the years, and it cuts my heart like a knife. What I really want to know is, what did I do wrong, and what can we do now to help our son return to God? Even if you don't have any advice, would you please pray for us? Thank you for reading my letter and sharing our pain.
Sincerely yours, Dorothy

This letter, with slight variations, could be written by countless parents who have the same anguished hearts. Some would change "sons" to "daughters," or have two children instead of five, or be facing a problem with drugs or jail instead of the problems in our situation.

But many people have a son, a daughter, a grandchild or a sibling who has walked away from God. They have many wonderful things in their lives and are grateful for those blessings, but one person's spiritual drifting has brought tremendous heartache to the family.

You may have asked the same questions this dear lady asked in her letter: How can it happen to us? What did I do wrong? And what can I do now to bring my beloved prodigal back to God?

JESUS' STORY ABOUT A PRODIGAL

I think it is important for us to examine the best-known prodigal in the world - the young man described in the story of the Prodigal Son.

Jesus told 3 parables or stories,  each about the joy of finding something that had been lost.

He told about a shepherd finding a lost sheep, a woman finding a lost coin and a father reuniting with his "lost" son. Each of these three parables communicated the same powerful message: just as human parents ache at the loss of a prodigal child, our heavenly Father longs for His lost children to return to Him.

Luke records Jesus' words:
"A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living."   (Luke 15:11-12).

In that day, two-thirds of a man's estate was given to the principal heir, and the remaining third was divided among the other sons. Since there were only two sons, the second son would receive one-third of the estate. However, heirs normally didn't receive their inheritance until the father died or could no longer manage it. The request of the younger son in Jesus' story was unusual, if not inappropriate. Still, the father gave him a portion of the estate as he had requested.
The young man converted his newly acquired possessions into cash so he could travel. Luke continues,

"13 And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living." (Luke 15:13).

With a wallet full of money, he headed for the Middle Eastern equivalent of New Orleans, straight for Bourbon Street! If you wonder what this young man spent his money doing, you need look no farther than the nightclubs and red-light districts of your own town, but this son didn't want to stay close to home. He traveled to "a far country" where he could indulge himself away from his father's watchful eyes.

Luke tells us that things didn't go well for the young man:

"And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.
15 And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine.
16 And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him." (Luke 15:14-16).

Notice that he ran out of money just as a famine hit the land. A coincidence? No, I don't think so. God orchestrates all kinds of events, even calamities, to get our attention. The son was now desperate, but not desperate enough to go home. Instead, he sent out some job applications, finding only the opportunity to feed pigs. He was away from the Land of Promise and had turned his back on the sacred covenant with God that his family and his people upheld.

He had been a well-to-do young man enjoying life in his father's home, but now he was feeding hogs in a foreign land! Nothing could be worse for a Jewish man. He was so hungry that he longed for the food the pigs ate, but he was friendless , desperate and alone. Suddenly, his fun had turned to famine and his pals turned to pigs!

In the meantime, what do you suppose the father was thinking? The son wasn't away for just a weekend excursion. It would have taken many months or even years to squander a third of the wealth of an estate. As the days and months passed, the father may have wondered, "What did I do wrong? Why did my son want to leave? Was I foolish to let him take his inheritance too soon?" But there were no answers yet.

The young man was doing his best to make it, but his life simply was a disaster. He was devastated and ¦broken. That very brokenness, however, was a prerequisite for insight. Jesus explained,

"And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!
18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee,
19 And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. " (Luke 15:17-19).

Only in his abject brokenness did the once proud young man think of home. Only when he became utterly destitute did he realize how much he needed to repent and return to his father.

Some of us think, "If I can just get my prodigal to read this book, or listen to that tape, or go to church, then he'll change." We nag and plead, but our efforts only drive our prodigals farther away. The son in Jesus' story had to come to the end of his rope. He had to become utterly and completely helpless and hopeless before he "came to himself."

Self-discovery is a very lonely and difficult course, but for most prodigals, it is the only path back. No one else can help them until they are ready to face some harsh realities.

The depth of the son's repentance is seen in the speech he prepared for his father. He wasn't asking to be restored as a son, only as a hired servant who would enjoy the privileges of food and shelter. That would be welcome relief, and enough grace to satisfy him.

I can envision the father on his knees day after day, pleading with God to bring his son home. His pillow probably was stained with his tears from crying every night.

And every day he peered down the dirt road that led up to the house. Some day, maybe today, he would see his son walking up that road. Every day he reflected on his decision to let his son leave. Maybe he had made a mistake by giving his son an early inheritance, maybe not. That's not the point of Jesus' story.

The real point is found in the next scene after the young man turned toward home.

"And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him." (Luke 15:20).

Can you imagine what the son thought as he saw his father running toward him? He may have imagined that his father was furious with him for acting so stupidly and wasting all he had worked so hard for.
I can imagine terror in the young man's eyes! But the father's heart contained no rage or criticism. Instead, he embraced his son and kissed him.

Startled at first, the son began his prepared speech.

"And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
22 But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet:
23 And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry:
24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry." (Luke 15:21-24).


The father's pride may have been hurt by his son's actions. People at the Temple may have gossiped that their kids certainly would never do what his son had done, and their snickers may have cut him deeply. But whatever mixed feelings the father experienced during those years had been prayed through so that only love and compassion remained.

Biblical Principles we can learn about Prodigals

1. A Prodigal Child can happen to any family.

This scenario can happen to any family in this room...it can happen to the best parents.....to the best families...even those who have done everything right.....

A most misunderstood verse that has caused lots of confusion down thru the years has been Proverbs 22:6
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Bible Principles are different from Absolute Bible Promises

Certain portions of Scripture, especially in the Book of Proverbs are meant to be General Bible Principles instead of Absolute promises..

For example, Proverbs 15:1 reads,

"A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."

If we take this verse to be a promise for every situation, we would expect that every time we gave a gentle answer to a person, his wrath would be dispelled.  This just does not happen.  It is a principle, but not an absolute promise for every time.


2. Recognize the  4 Areas of Parental Responsibility

I. Prayer and evangelism

we have the God-given responsibility to pray for our children daily and to see to it that they are won to Christ and trust Him as Savior.

II.  Set Godly role models to our kids

    a. Faithful Church attendance
            (Don't skip church to play golf....)
    
    b. Tithing

    c. Faithful Service to Lord

    d. Faithful to Pastor

......if he is preaching the Word of God.....even though he is not perfect....don't run down the preacher in front of your children... I'm convinced,
This hypocrisy has destroyed the faith of many children

E. Stay faithful to your marriage.

If there is a human cause for a prodigal to reject the faith of their parents, These last two reasons have probably caused more sons and daughters to become prodigal more than any other human causes....

III. See that our children receive a Godly Education
    Deut. 6:6,7:
"And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
7  And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."

Parents, it is your responsibility to see to it that your children are being taught the Word of God!  You may go to the most popular church in town;  You may go to the same church your family has went to for years because all the relatives are buried out back....
but if that church is not teaching your kids the Word of God, or if they have turned their back on God's Word and been unfaithful to it...you need to get you and your kids out of there!

IV. Have a loving relationship to your children.

I'm convinced you can't have quality time without spending Quantity time....let your kids KNOW you love them and you really care about them.


3. Follow Biblical Principles of Raising and Disciplining your children.

A. Start early with proper discipline and correction.

Rebellion in a child not dealt with can lead to a rebellious spirit in the teenager later.

1 Kings 1;5,6 "Then Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, I will be king: and he prepared him chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him. 6  And his father had not displeased him at any time in saying, Why hast thou done so?

B. Set Reasonable guidelines and correct your child when they willfully disobey...



Don't be overly-strict on your kids.....too demanding...can break their spirit....and cause them to become bitter...

I'm afraid I see this in a lot of Christian families...especially preacher's kids....they're expected to be perfect !!!

Pick your battles wisely...there are some things to stand up for and others things that are just not really that important...



4. After you've done your best to raise your child, leave the results in the Lord's hands.  If you have failed, ask God's Forgiveness....

Remember, NO PARENT IS PERFECT.  The Devil will use blame and guilt to destroy you if you will let him.  Ask God's forgiveness if you have failed and ask God to help you move on.  (1 John 1:8,9)

WHAT IF MY CHILD BECOMES A PRODIGAL

1. Don't panic.  

We must deal with the present and the future....we can't dwell on the past and what if we would have done this or that....
Remember the Lord is in control and PRAYER is a mighty tool.

2. Ask God for help with your son or daughter.

3.  Try to get Professional help if possible for your Prodigal.

    Alcohol - AA       Drugs - Drug Rehab Center  

    Homosexual - Lesbian     Sexually promiscuous

    Occult         Athiest - agnostic     violent-gang-criminal

Go talk to Prosecuter or Judge as a family..... and let the son or daughter what will happen to them with the law if they continue down this trail...

The old saying is true...."Scare the devil out of them!"

4. Both Parents have got to come together and present a united front...

    - Too often parents blame each other for the prodigal's problem and this creates much stress on the marriage..

    - Too often marriages end up being destroyed dealing with a prodigal in the family.   Pray for God's help not to attack each other now, but together attack the problem.

5. If prodigal presents a real threat and danger to the rest of the family, tough love must be instituted and he or she removed from the family...

Private school  -   Recovery institution, etc.  -  (Of course for a minor this will be last resort)

6. Stop Financial Support of the Prodigal

Remain calm as you state, "Honey, we love you, but you have made choices we cannot support and which go against all that we believe in.  In good conscience before God, we cannot financially be a part of this, so to show we still love you, in one month, the money stops.."  (College, rent, etc.)

7. Keep the Door open.....Keep Communication Open.

It is Hard for some parents if children completely reject the faith they were raised in and perhaps choose homosexuality, occult, etc.  

Love the child, not the sin.....

For example, if you're son or daughter has chosen a homosexual lifestyle....

"Honey you're welcome to come home to live as long as Mary your lesbian girlfriend does not come with you or come to visit you..." etc...

Refuse to argue or get into shouting matches with your child...

8. If Prodigal does come home, explain ahead of time the new rules and guidelines....

Rehab or Treatment?  Job?  Chores around house?  Payment of expenses?  Temporary until recovery with understanding of getting back on one's own....

Parent should repent of any failure they need to ask forgiveness from child for in ways they as parents have failed.

9. Never, Never Give up....

as long as there is life, there is hope!  To give up on a prodigal, is to give up on the power of the God!  

Continue to pray for the Prodigal that God would that Crisis point to the prodigal so that they can come back before it is too late....

10.  Realize that many Prodigals die.

We've got to leave it in God's Hand and realize that if they were saved as a child they are still saved now and will go to heaven.  

If you are not sure of a time the child ever trusted Christ, realize that they could have trusted Christ at any time after they became a prodigal, even shortly before their death.

This is the importance of praying every day for the Prodigal that God help them.
 

The Return of a prodigal takes the cooperation of many people....

For example....

It is a wonderful and glorious thing when a prodigal comes back home, but the return may open wounds we had no idea even existed. Rivalry between siblings may be normal, but it can be deadly.
family member needs the grace of God:

Â. The prodigal needs to come to his senses and repent;

B.  The parents need to forgive the prodigal for the deep pain he has inflicted; and

C. Other family members need to open their hearts to forgive and love the prodigal so bitterness, self-righteousness, and jealousy don't ruin their lives.

Closing

Prodigal if you don't know Jesus as your Savior, you need to be saved.  Realize your lost condition and call upon Jesus to Save you, trusting His shed blood at Calvary to pay for your sins.  He will save you.

Romans 10:13 "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."