For Better or For Worse...

A couple was having a yard sale on a really hot summer day. So the husband stretched out on a lounge chair and unexpectedly fell asleep. When he awoke he heard people laughing and found that while lie was asleep, his wife had placed a sign at his feet which read, "Make me an offer."

Just before ‑Christmas, a man was out shopping with his wife. The salesman showed them some nice furniture, and they especially liked a certain living room suite. The husband said, "We like it, but I don't think we can afford it."

The salesman said, "You make one small down payment and don't make another payment for six months"

The wife jumped up and said, "Who told you about us?"

A man wandering on a deserted beach happened upon a bottle that had washed tip on shore. He picked it up, dusted it off, and then uncorked it. When he did this a huge genie appeared. The genie said, "For freeing me from the bottle, I am going to give you three wishes, and you will have only five minutes to make them. But remember this, everything you wish for, your mother‑in‑law will get double what you ask for."

With that, the man thought for a minute and then said, "OK. For my first wish I wish for a million dollars." The genie obliged, a million dollars in cash appeared, and lie said, "Alright, your mother‑in‑law will get two million."

The man then said, "For my second wish, I wish for a twenty‑room mansion." Again, the genie obliged, and a twenty‑room mansion appeared there on the waterfront overlooking the ocean. The Genie responded, "Alright, your mother‑in‑law will get a y‑room mansion right next door to YOU."

Finally, the man said, "Now, for my third wish, I want you to SCARE me half to death!"

A man from the big city was riding in the country for the first time. Out of nowhere, a big billygoat ran out in front of him, and he ran over it with his car! Well the man was shocked and confused all at the same time because he didn't know what it was. So he jumped back in his car and raced down the road until he got to a little country store. He ran in hysterically yelling, "Help! I just ran over something down the road and I don't know what it is!" The storekeeper said, "Describe it to me the man said, "Well it's got a hard head, a big stomach and it's about the ugliest creature I've ever seen!" 'The storekeeper thought about it a little, scratched his head, and then all of a sudden an old man sitting in the store jumped up and said, " GOOD HEAVENS! You ran over my WIFE. . !”

"My wooden leg was hurtin' me something fierce last night," complained Rob to his neighbor.

"That's impossible," said the neighbor. "How can a wooden leg hurt you?"

"My old lady hit me over the head with it, replied Rob.