Hunting And Fishing

Stan was tired from fishing all morning, so he went in for a nap.  His wife, Joyce, took the boat out onto the lake and sat in it reading a book.  After about half an hour, the sheriff pulled alongside in his motorboat.  "Ma'am," he said, "I'm sorry, but you're in a restricted fishing area."  "But I'm not fishing," the lady objected. "I'm just reading my book."  "Maybe, but you have all the equipment," said the sheriff. "I'm going to have to write you a ticket."  "Fine," said the lady, "but I'll be charging you with assault and harassment."  "What?" snapped the outraged sheriff. "I haven't even touched you!"  "True," the lady replied, "but you do have all the equipment." 

We have two old boys back home who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing.  They'd heard about it up in Canada, and they took off up there.  The lake was frozen nicely.  They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle.  One of them said, "We're going to need an ice pick."  So they got that, and they took off.  In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop, and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks."  Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask questions, but he didn't.  He sold him the picks, and the old boy left.  In about an hour, he was back.  Said, "We're gong to need all the ice picks you've got."  The fellow couldn't stand it any longer.  "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"  "Not very well at all,"  he said, "We don't even have the boat in the water yet." 

A Timid little henpecked fisherman had been advised by his psychiatrist to go home and assert himself.  "Don't let your wife bully you around anymore," said the doctor.  "Go home and let her know who's boss!"  so the shy man went home, swung the front door open, and said in a loud voice, "Now get this, from now on I'm the boss of this house and I'm giving the orders and you're obeying them!  Now get my supper on the table then lay out my fishing clothes, 'cause I'm going fishing!  And do you know who's gonna dress me in my fishing clothes?"  "yes, dear," said his wife softly, "the undertaker."