'An Independent Baptist Church'

WHEN WE ALL GET TO HEAVEN

Coach Gene Keady of Purde and Coach Bob Knight of Texas Tech die and go to heaven.  After coach Keady enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour.  he shows Gene a little two-bedroom house with a faded Purdue Boilermaker banner hanging from the front porch and says, "This is your house, Gene.  Coach Keady looks the home over, and then notices a huge mansion sitting on top of the hill nearby.  A huge magnificent and beautiful, two-story structure with Texas Tech flags lining both sides of the sidewalk, and a huge Texas banner hanging between the marble columns.  Coach Keady says, "I don't want to sound disrespectful and ungrateful, by why does Coach Knight get such a huge mansion and I get a little two-bedroom house?  God replied, "That's not coach Knight's mansion, that's mine."

Three men die and go to heaven.  St. Peter meets them at the front gate and says, "Heaven is a big place, and we'll assign you a vehicle to get around based upon how faithful you wee toy our spouses."  so he gave the first man a Cadillac, the second one a Chevrolet, and the third man a motorcycle.  The one who got the motorcycle was somewhat disappointed, but he figured it was fair, based upon his degree of faithfulness.  He went driving down one of the golden streets of heaven and noticed the man who received the Cadillac parked along the curb and he was crying loudly.  He stopped to ask, "What in the world are you crying for?"  You got the Cadillac!  "I know," said the man, "and I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard."

A preacher on his deathbed summoned his doctor and his lawyer.  They came and he asked them to sit on either side of his bed and hold his hands. They sat there in this manner for a long while until the doctor stirred and said, "You don't have long on this earth, Reverend.  Better tell us why you asked us to come."   The old preacher stirred himself and wheezed, "Well, Jesus died between two thieves, and that's the way I want to go."

It was his time to go as Indiana Basketball coach Mike Davis entered the Pearly Gates and was immediately greeted by St. peter for a welcome and scenic tour.  coach Davis couldn't believe the splendor and beauty of heaven!  One thing that puzzled him was the countless rooms with millions of running clocks lined up on the walls.....for miles and miles.!   He asked St. peter the meaning of all the clocks and St. Peter explained to Coach Davis, "This is how we keep track of things up here.  You see, every person still living on earth has his own clock up here with his name on it.  Each time that person commits a sin, the hand on the clock makes a full circle."  Coach Davis was amazed as he saw a clock with the name of his old arch rival and buddy, Coach Gene Keady of Purdue.  His cock was moving pretty fast!   He looked a little further and saw the clock his nemesis from down in Kentucky, Coach Tubby Smith.  His clockhand wasn't moving near as fast as Coach Keady's, but it was still moving, nonetheless.  He looked with interest and finally asked St. Peter where his predecessor Coach Bob Knight's clock was.  St. Peter replied, "Well, it's been pretty warm up here lately so we moved his clock back into the main office and we're using it as a fan."