Pop N’ Fresh Doughboy Dies

Dear Friends:

It is with the saddest heart I pass on the following:

     Please join me in remembering a great icon, the veteran Pillsbury spokesman, the Pillsbury doughboy died last week of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.  He was 71.  Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.  Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.  The gravesite was piled high with flours.

    A longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.  Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.  When he began hitting the baking soda a little too often… he fell quickly.  He was not considered a very ‘smart cookie’, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.  Despite being flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man was considered a roll model for millions.  Toward the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.  A doughnut once said to him, “If had all your dough, I sure wouldn’t be hanging around this hole!”  Doughboy never reached much height…he was once told if he rubbed Crisco on his head every night for a month, it would make him taller…. But alas, he later found out it too was shortening.  Doughboy tried to be a part of the elite Upper Crust, but was disappointed to find out they were just a few old crumbs held together by a little dough.

     Doughboy is survived by one brother, John Dough, and his elderly father, Pop Tart.  A rolling pin was placed in his casket.  The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.  Friends left the service and many were heard saying, “he was no Cup Cake.”