Cops And Robbers

When the patrolman saw the man speed past, he pulled him over and asked for his license and registration.  "I lost my license after my fifth DWI," the guy replied calmly. "I'll give you the registration, but don't freak out when I open the glove box because I've got a couple of guns in there.  And if you search the car, don't be surprised if you find some drugs an illegal aliens in the trunk."  Alarmed, the cop called for backup, Moments later a SWAT team swept down on the car.  The driver was handcuffed as the team searched the vehicle.  "There's no drugs or guns in this car, buddy," the SWAT team leader said to the driver.  "Of course not," the man replied.  " And I suppose that cop told you I was speeding too."

Things NOT to say when a police officer stops you:

1. "What's wrong officer?  Dunkin' Donuts closed?"

2.  Officer to speeding driver: "I've been waiting here all morning for you, Son."  "Well, Officer, I got here as quick as I could."

An elderly woman called the sheriff to report that a man in the apartment next door was taking a bath in open view of her window and she wanted the sheriff to come over right away and arrest the man!  The sheriff arrived shortly and asked the lady to show him where she could see the naked man.  "Up yonder in my bedroom," she said.  So he followed her upstairs to her bedroom as she could barely make it up the stairs with her cane.  The sheriff went over to the window, and looked at the apartment next door.  "Why, I can't see anything from here because of the bushes between the apartments," the sheriff said.  "Oh, you have to get up on this trunk here," the old woman replied.