Christmas Poem

Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck. How to live in a world that's politically correct? Four reindeer just vanished without much propriety, released to the wilds by the Humane society.

His workers no longer responded to "Elves"....."vertically challenged" they were now calling themselves. Equal Employment had made it quite clear:  He had better not only employ reindeer. So, Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid were replaced by four pigs, you think that looked stupid;  all the runners were removed from Santa's sleigh; the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA.

To demonstrate the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing for unauthorized use of his nose; he went to Geraldo, and in front of the nation
he demanded a couple million in compensation.  The Reverend Jesse was called, and his rely, "My friends, I am appalled...." 

As for the gifts, why, Santa ne'er a notion that making a choice could cause such commotion. Nothing of LEATHER, nothing of FUR; This meant nothing for HIM, and nothing for HER.

Nothing that night be construed to pollute, Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot. Nothing that clamored, or made lots of noise; Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys. No candy or sweet, they're bad for the tooth, and nothing that seeming to embellish a truth.

Half the reindeer we gone; along with his wife who'd suddenly decided she'd had enough of his life. She joined a self-help group, and left in a whiz demanding forevermore he address her as "Ms."

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed. He simply couldn't figure out what to do next. He tried to be merry, he tried to be gay, but one has to be careful using that word today.

His sack was quite empty, flung on the ground; could anything acceptable ever be found? Something special was needed, a gift that he might give to all without angering the left or the right. An offering that would satisfy any decision, each group of people, every religion.

So here is the gift, it's price beyond worth: "May you and your loved ones enjoy Peace on Earth".