'An Independent Baptist Church'

Actual Misprints & Bloopers From Church Bulletins

Lesson to be learned - Be very careful with your spelling and punctuation....What you end up with just might not be what you intended to say.....

    “A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church.  It was given by one of our members in memory of his wife.”

    “The church dinner was like Heaven.  Many we expected to see were absent.”

    Announcement in bulletin on Senior Day: “Members of the senior class are not to pass out until the pastor finishes preaching.”

    “Tonight Pastor Hodges will begin a 6-part series on the Book of Genesis.  Were Adam and Eve really naked in the Garden?  Come see for yourself.”

    “Last Monday night, the prayer group met at the home of Madge Tessler, who is no longer able to attend Church.  What a blessing!”

    “The final Lenten service theme is: ‘Why Doesn’t God Do Something?’ with Pastor Meidinger.”

    “The Senior Saints Choir has been disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.”

    “In honor of Mrs. Jones financial donation to the Choir & Music department… in lieu of her late husband, Mr. Bernard Jones, Mrs. Jones was allowed to pick 3 hims for the evening service.”

    “The choir will be sinning at tonight’s service”

    “Mrs. Johnson and Mrs. Smith will assist with the mailing of the newsletter and stapling of the Annual Report to church members.”

    “During the Pastor’s absence this weekend, the church secretary will give a massage to the congregation.”

    “The message tonight by Pastor will be in Matthew 3 where Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by Jordan in the John.”

    “The newly formed Men’s Choir will sing for the first time at tonight’s service and a real threat is anticipated.”

    “Beginning with next Sunday’s service, the ushers will eat all the latecomers.”

    “The May meeting of the church finance committee will be hell as usual.”

    “Today’s Sermon: How Much Can A Man Drink, with hymns from a full choir.”

    “Notice to all men attending the Father’s Day Banquet: A sports jacket may be worn to the dinner – but no trousers.”

    “We are glad to report that Mrs. Stevens who was accidentally hit in the head by her husband is said to be greatly improved.”

    “During the Senior Saints trip to New York last week to visit Wall Street, Mrs. Agnes Wilson was hit by a car as she crossed the street.  She was hit in the business section and is now recovering in the hospital.”

Preach it!
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Suffer the little children
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill The Sisters of Mercy.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Sunday School: Children will be led in sinning and Bible study.

The Power of Prayer
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

After the worship service...
This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

Announcement in a church bulletin for a national Prayer and Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals."

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Ladies, Ladies
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

Ladies' Bible Study will be held Thursday at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Choir Practice
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

The rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

Which Door Do I Use?
The Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Members of the Congregation
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

No Good Deed Will Go Unpunished
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Watch Out for Those Potlucks
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5 p.m. Prayer and medication to follow.

HOW Much Money Should I Give?
The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

Who says church is boring?