FACING BITTERNESS AND RESENTMENT

My friend, do you harbor bitterness and resentment in your heart?   As you look back in your past, does someone, or some incident come to mind, that still causes you hurt because you feel you were done wrong?

It is very possible you harbor bitterness in your heart.

Hebrews 12:15 says this about bitterness....

"Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;"

I love pretty flowers.  Don't you?  But with flowers come weeds.  I'm not much of a gardener, but I have discovered that if you let those weeds 'take root', they will soon take over!

My friend, the same is true of the garden of hearts, if we let the weeds of bitterness take root, they will soon 'take over' our life and control it!

If there is one thing I have learned about bitterness and resentment, it is this -  if you let it take over in your life it will bring you much trouble, heartache, and destruction!

My friend, Jesus Christ can help you be freed from the Bitterness and Resentment you are harboring in your heart right now! 

WHAT ARE SOME OF THESE ROOTS OF BITTERNESS?

The Bitter Root of Rejection

Has someone rejected you? 

Are you bitter about it?  Perhaps a mate has rejected you for someone else?  Has a friend rejected you?   Has a former boss rejected you and fired you?

The Bitter Root of Unfulfilled Dreams

We have all had dreams that have never came true.  Perhaps you are hurt because the dreams you always looked forward to look like they are never going to come true?  Perhaps your knight in shining armor that you always looked forward to meeting has never come?

The Bitter Root of Poor Health

Are you bitter because your health has failed you?  Perhaps you have planned and prepared for years your retirement and looked forward to the things?  Has poor health robbed you of the joy of life?

The Bitter Root of Loss

Have you lost someone you loved?  Perhaps a job was taken away or a promotion was not given?

My friend, we have all suffered hurt and loss.  We have all been done wrong by someone......but we get over it and we move on.

The Bitter person does not 'get over it'....they don't forget it.

AN EXAMPLE OF BITTERNESS IN THE BIBLE

Saul gives us a Bible example of someone who let bitterness and resentment consume and absolutely take control of their life!

In 1 Samuel 18:5-9 we read:

"And David went out whithersoever Saul sent him, and behaved himself wisely: and Saul set him over the men of war, and he was accepted in the sight of all the people, and also in the sight of Saul's servants. 6 And it came to pass as they came, when David was returned from the slaughter of the Philistine, that the women came out of all cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet king Saul, with tabrets, with joy, and with instruments of musick.
7 And the women answered one another as they played, and said, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.
8 And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands: and what can he have more but the kingdom? 9 And Saul eyed David from that day and forward."

Jealousy is often a factor in bitterness.  We feel we have been done wrong and didn't get the respect we deserve. 

Look at 1 Samuel 18:10-12:

" And it came to pass on the morrow, that the evil spirit from God came upon Saul, and he prophesied in the midst of the house: and David played with his hand, as at other times: and there was a javelin in Saul's hand. 11 And Saul cast the javelin; for he said, I will smite David even to the wall with it. And David avoided out of his presence twice. 12 And Saul was afraid of David, because the LORD was with him, and was departed from Saul."

Bitterness will cause you act irrationally.....and do things you wouldn't ordinarily do!   It will throw people into fits and acts of rage that is just not normal behavior for them!

Notice that Bitterness will end up affecting you more than anyone else.

Look at 1 Samuel 18:20-22:

"And Michal Saul's daughter loved David: and they told Saul, and the thing pleased him. 21 And Saul said, I will give him her, that she may be a snare to him, and that the hand of the Philistines may be against him. Wherefore Saul said to David, Thou shalt this day be my son in law in the one of the twain. 22 And Saul commanded his servants, saying, Commune with David secretly, and say, Behold, the king hath delight in thee, and all his servants love thee: now therefore be the king's son in law."

Bitterness will cause you to scheme and manipulate to plan evil and retribution for this person you perceive as doing you wrong!

We will even use those we love to get even with those who have wronged us!

My friend, can you see we must deal with bitterness before it goes any further......

Someone says, "But you Don't know what this person has done to me....."

No, perhaps I don't and perhaps you were really hurt and wronged, but Jesus knows what has been done to you and He can help you move beyond it.....

It is just not worth the destruction that the bitterness will end up causing you after the fact....

Notice 1 Samuel 18:29-30:

 "And Saul was yet the more afraid of David; and Saul became David's enemy continually. 30 Then the princes of the Philistines went forth: and it came to pass, after they went forth, that David behaved himself more wisely than all the servants of Saul; so that his name was much set by."

Bitterness will end up hurting us more than the other person!  We sit and stew about the matter....think about it.....and it will make us end up looking like the fool.

Now go to 1 Samuel 20:32-33:

"Then Saul's anger was kindled against Jonathan, and he said unto him, Thou son of the perverse rebellious woman, do not I know that thou hast chosen the son of Jesse to thine own confusion, and unto the confusion of thy mother's nakedness? 31 For as long as the son of Jesse liveth upon the ground, thou shalt not be established, nor thy kingdom. Wherefore now send and fetch him unto me, for he shall surely die. 32 And Jonathan answered Saul his father, and said unto him, Wherefore shall he be slain? what hath he done? 33 And Saul cast a javelin at him to smite him: whereby Jonathan knew that it was determined of his father to slay David. 34 So Jonathan arose from the table in fierce anger, and did eat no meat the second day of the month: for he was grieved for David, because his father had done him shame."

Bitterness will eventually cause harm to your own family and loved ones!  Your bitterness will spread and eventually cause you to react to your own family.  Bitterness will affect your marriage.  It will affect your relationship to others around you.

Finally look at 1 Samuel 22:17....

It shows the damaging and destructive results of Bitterness if allowed to run its full course....it will end in tragedy!  Here Saul orders 85 priests and their families murdered!   Incredible.

"And the king said unto the footmen that stood about him, Turn, and slay the priests of the LORD: because their hand also is with David, and because they knew when he fled, and did not shew it to me. But the servants of the king would not put forth their hand to fall upon the priests of the LORD. 18 And the king said to Doeg, Turn thou, and fall upon the priests. And Doeg the Edomite turned, and he fell upon the priests, and slew on that day fourscore and five persons that did wear a linen ephod.
19 And Nob, the city of the priests, smote he with the edge of the sword, both men and women, children and sucklings, and oxen, and asses, and sheep, with the edge of the sword."

Can bitterness cause a person to do such things?  It can.

Can it cause a Christian to do such things?   It can.

How many people are in prison now, or dead.....because of bitterness which was never brought under control?

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF YOU HARBOR BITTERNESS?

A simple test:

Is there someone that, when I think of them, I feel hurt and wish revenge?  Every time you see the person or think of the person, a sharp pang of resentment flares up as you perceive how they have done you wrong?

Oh my friend, please deal with the bitterness before it destroys YOU! 

Bitterness is never the right response.  It is sin.  It is impossible to hide, because as Hebrews 12:15 shows, that 'root' is still there, lying dormant....unless you 'rip it out' and 'throw it away'!

SOME DEVASTATING RESULTS OF BITTERNESS

BITTERNESS CAN CAUSE YOU TROUBLE

Hebrews 12:15:

"Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;"

Notice that the Bible says we are to 'Look' diligently into this matter of bitterness and examine our hearts closely to see if there is any bitterness in our hearts toward someone!

We need to give it utmost attention.

Why? 

Lest 'any man fail of the grace of God'...

What does that mean?

First of all, it does not mean that a Christian can lose salvation.

Once we trust Christ as Savior, we receive 'eternal' life, not 'probationary' life....

John 10:28,29  "And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. 29 My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand."

You see, we are saved BY GRACE, and after we're saved, we should LIVE by grace, meaning since God forgave us of our many sins and failures, we should live our life the same way, forgiving and overlooking the wrongs and hurts others cause us, as much as humanly possible.

THE EFFECTS OF BITTERNESS

Notice the next phrase in Hebrew 12:15 we need to look at is the fact that a root of bitterness WILL cause us TROUBLE!

HOW CAN BITTERNESS CAUSE US TROUBLE?

BITTERNESS CAN AFFECT OUR HEALTH.

Medical studies have shown that bitterness and resentment harbored in ourselves can raise blood pressure; it can affect our immune system; it can affect our heart and circulatory system.  It will kill you!

I have a book entitled 'NONE OF THESE DISEASES' written by a doctor and it shows that stress, anger, and bitterness are deadly on our body!

Bitterness takes the smile off our face; it puts wrinkles on our brow; it takes the glow out of our facial expression...

BITTERNESS CAN AFFECT US EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY.

I am convinced that Bitterness and resentment that is harbored for long periods of time can affect us mentally.  I believe medical studies will support the theory that many mental breakdowns today can be traced back to unresolved bitterness and unforgiveness!

I wonder how many people with mental breakdowns, depression, manic-depressive, bi-polar, and all types of such problems, could be traced back to unresolved bitterness and hurt over past experiences that has caused the person to harbor bitterness?

I am not suggesting all mental problems as above have this basis, but I am suggesting that some certainly do.

The medical authorities seem to back this assertion.

BITTERNESS AFFECTS OUR SPIRITUALITY

My friend, God can never use us in the way He would like...if we have unresolved bitterness and resentment in our heart...If there is someone that we just can't forgive, listen what Matthew 6:14,15 says:

14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: 15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

I believe this is saying that our fellowship with the Lord will never be right until we forgive that person.  I believe this passage is dealing with 'fellowship' between the believer and his heavenly father.  It does not mean we can no longer go to heaven.  It is talking about 'Fellowship'...

My friend, is there anyone you harbor resentment toward?  You need to deal with it before it destroys you!

Can you see the terrible 'Trouble' that Hebrews 12:15 says will come upon YOU if you continue to harbor this bitterness in your heart toward this person or this situation from the past?

I want you to see that not only does BITTERNESS and RESENTMENT cause trouble and devastation in your life, but it also AFFECTS others as well....

Hebrews 12:15 "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;"

BITTERNESS DEFILES MANY

My friend, bitterness doesn't only affect us, but it 'defiles' many others as well.  This word 'defile' means to 'stain'.  Have you ever washed clothes and a colored item 'stained' the other clothes being washed?  Bitterness is like that.

My bitterness and unwilling to forgive and forget a matter, unless it is dealt with, will eventually affect others around you!

I have seen bitterness stain an entire office;

I have seen bitterness stain and destroy a marriage;

Bitterness has broken the best of friendships; 

Bitterness has broken relations amongst brothers and sisters;

Bitterness amongst people in a church has grieved the Holy Spirit and has held back revival in churches, and even destroyed and split churches!   It has caused good families to leave a church;

Oh, My what a terrible sin BITTERNESS IS....

When are unwilling to forgive and forget a matter that perhaps happened years ago!  There are a lot of BITTER BROTHERS and a lot of SOUR SISTERS in churches all across America!

Bitterness causes isolation and loneliness because even other people not affected directly don't want to be around someone who is bitter!  Do you see how bitterness compounds other problems?

Oh, My friend, let Jesus deal with your bitterness today before you carry it anymore and before it causes anymore destruction!

It is not worth the price it is costing YOU!

BITTERNESS AND UNWILLING TO FORGIVE HAS LED TO DIVORCE AND BROKEN FAMILIES!

There is a particular warning to husbands to husbands about being bitter in Colossians 3:19:

" Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them."

Because a man is especially prone to stubbornness and pride, a man has to watch becoming 'bitter' against his wife.  Do you men know what I'm talking about?  When our wife does or says something we don't like, if we're not careful, we can start thinking about it and feel she had no right to do or say that, and we can become BITTER....and we need to be careful lest we let it lead to resentment!  You men know what I'm saying is right!

How many arguments, fights, and even divorces have been due to unresolved, and even foolish, bitterness....when we feel we have been done wrong!

HOW TO DEAL WITH BITTERNESS

Chuck Swindoll has said,

Life is 10% what happens to us; and 90% of how we respond to what happens to us!

My friend, we have got to deal with bitterness before it destroys us and everything around us that is dear to us!

Bitterness will not go away by itself.

Once bitterness takes root, it is there until we REMOVE it!

Now I have seen people cover it pretty good.  That is why bitter people are so sensitive.  They can seem happy and jolly one moment and someone will say or do something, and the bitter person will fly into a rage!    You see, the bitterness is always there just under the surface because you have allowed it to take root!

I have know spouses harboring bitterness that has been there for years!

It is not worth it!  It is not worth destroying your happiness TODAY and the rest of your life!

STEPS TO DEAL WITH BITTERNESS

Here is a list I keep in my Bible to help me whenever I feel bitterness starting to take root in my life:  Write these steps down yourself:

1. THINK IT THROUGH.

Is this the type of life I want to live?   It is just not worth it!

What ever that person has done to me, it is not worth what it is doing to ME now!

2. ADMIT YOUR BITTERNESS TO YOURSELF AND TO GOD

Our pride often keeps us from admitting we are bitter about something.  It is a sin and we need to admit it to ourselves and then need to confess it as sin to God and ask His help to get rid of it!

3. MAKE A LIST OF HOW YOU HAVE BEEN DONE WRONG.

Now listen to me, this is important.  It helps us put things into perspective when we write down how we feel we have been done wrong and why we should be bitter.  Do it.

4. NOW MAKE ANOTHER LIST OF THE SPECIFIC THINGS WE HAVE DONE AND SAID THAT GOD HAS FORGIVEN US. 

Things we have done to other people; to our spouse;  etc.

For heaven's sake, don't let anyone see the list....it could ruin you!

It is a real eye opener to see the terrible things God has forgiven you and I for, and how in the world can we fail to forgive what this person has done to us after all God has forgiven us of?

Beginning to see the point?

I ask again.....If God can forgive you and I, then why can't we forgive this person for what they've done to us?

Now this next point is so important...

6. ASK GOD TO SHOW YOU HOW HE CAN USE THIS PERSON OR INCIDENT AS A 'TOOL' TO MOLD YOU INTO A BETTER PERSON.

This is the key point. If you can see that God has allowed this event to occur (Now we're not saying God caused it, but He did allow it, did He not?), ask Him to let you see how He can use this incident to mold you and make you better because of it!

Many people have hurt us.  Some people, it would seem, have a right to be hurt.  But let's go a step further, instead of letting bitterness destroy us....ask God to let you see HOW He can use this incident, this person, to make you MORE into the person Jesus wants you to be!

This changes the whole perspective on the event, does it not?

God, how can I benefit from this?

Wow.

Next,

7. ASK GOD TO FORGIVE YOU OF YOUR BITTERNESS TOWARD THIS PERSON.

Now if the other person knows you are bitter toward them, you might need to go and ask their forgiveness for you attitude and bitterness. 

Otherwise, if they don't know you are bitter at them, it is probably best to leave it between you and God, because it could cause more hurt when they find out how you have felt!

8. TRULY FORGIVE THAT PERSON.

Now this may take time.  If you broken you arm, you know it takes weeks to completely heal.  If you have harbored bitterness for weeks, months, or years...it may take time to really deal with the matter.  Every time you still feel hurt, ask God to help you and run thru these steps in your mind.

There is a Scripture that helps me when I start thinking someone has done me wrong and I can't forgive them....It is Psalms 40:2,3:

"He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.
3 And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD."

Remember what God has done for you and it helps you to move on from the sin of bitterness!

Finally,

9. GIVE UP THE BITTERNESS......FORGET THE MATTER, AND MOVE ON!

Did you hear that?  Move on.  We just cannot let this incident control our lives!  It is just not worth it!

Philippians 3:13,14 says,

"..........but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."

BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS PERSON HAS DONE TO ME......I JUST CAN'T FORGIVE AND FORGET IT....

I spoke to a wife one time whose husband cheated on her and she said she just couldn't get herself to forgive him.  She finally said she forgave him but she said she couldn't love him anymore after this incident, even though he apologized profusely and wanted to restore the marriage.  Children were involved.  I told her to stick with the marriage.  The children were the most important now.  They didn't ask for any of this either.  Sometimes we must think of the children more than what WE want...

And I said this,  you hang in there and if you husband is truly remorseful, you ask God to give you your love back for your husband that you once had, and He can do it it you let Him.

It might take some time, but He can do it.

I have seen it happen to many times.  Get back into church.  Get your family back to church.   Even serve the Lord in some capacity.  Get busy for the Master.   Didn't that verse in Philippians say, "press toward the mark of the high calling"....?

Ask God to help you truly forgive the matter.  Now you can never really 'forget' it, but in a spiritual, practical sense you can, with God's help.

YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES.

If you harbor bitterness and hurt in your heart, my friend, you have two choices.  You can continue to let it eat at you like a cancer and let it destroy everything around you...

Or....

You can deal with the bitterness and move on.

Which will you do today?

INVITATION

If you have never trusted Jesus as your Savior, you will never be able to follow the steps above and deal with the bitterness in your heart.  That is why some people have never been able to deal with bitterness.  They need to be born-again and have the Lord's Help.

Won't you bow your head and repeat this prayer:

"Dear Lord Jesus, forgive me of my sins.  I know I'm lost.  I want to go to heaven.  I believe you died on the cross for me.  I ask that your shed blood pay for my sins.  Please make me born again today.  Now help me to live for you."

If you are already saved, ask God to help you follow the steps above and deal with your bitterness before it destroys you.  It may help to share your Bitterness and hurt with another older, trusted Believer.  Sometimes another person can help us through the process of dealing with bitterness.

My friend, what choice will you decide to follow today?