Basketball Theology

With Basketball season underway, Pastor Steve has come up with some ‘Basketball Theology’…see how the following basketball terminology would apply to church:

HUDDLE – The gathering in the foyer before the service.

PRE-GAME WARM-UPS – Turning on the furnace before anyone gets to church.

CENTER/FORWARD – Where nobody usually sits on Sunday mornings.

BENCH WARMER – inactive church member.

FREE THROW – A toddler’s toss of a hymnal across the aisle.

JUMP – What happens when the usher tells you your parking lights were left on.

ILLEGAL BLOCK – Sister ‘Carry-a-tale’ standing right in front of your favorite seat and telling a BIG ONE to Sister ‘Tell-it-to-me’…blocking entry.

BACKCOURT FOUL – Accidentally bumping into ‘Sister Get-a-along’ from behind as she’s leaning over to get into her pew.

OPENING TIP Suggestion of a short sermon due to the roast in the oven.

TURNOVER – Exchange of an upset infant between parents. (Also known as the chest pass)

TRAVELING – Parents walking back and forth with upset children back in the church foyer.

20-SECOND TIME OUT – A brief exit to the restrooms.

OFFENSIVE FOUL – A newly discovered baby’s messy diaper.

TRANSITION GAME – Movement of choir members down to their regular seats in the pews.

EJECTION – Taking an inconsolable child out of the nursery.

OVER AND BACK – The leaning and swaying of the person who has fallen asleep in the pew during the sermon.

HITTING THE BACKGROUND – When the forehead of the person who has fallen asleep lunges forward and hits the back of the pew in front of him.

CHANGE OF POSSESSION – The offering.

TECHNICAL FOUL – When the only bill you have in your wallet when the offering plate passes is a Twenty.

HANDOFF – Passing the offering plate right on by to the person beside you without delay or hesitation.

STEAL – Slipping the Tithe check back into the purse and putting a buck into the plate.

ILLEGAL POSSESSION – Reaching behind and accidentally pulling you neighbor’s wallet from his pocket instead of your own…. for the offering.

PHYSICAL INSIDE GAME – Elbowing for position when pew gets full and a little too crowded.

INTENTIONAL FOUL – Wife’s elbow into husband’s side at pertinent point in Pastor’s sermon.

STEPPING OVER THE LINE – Preacher quit preachin’ and went to meddlin’…

THREE-POINTER – The makeup and structure of a good sermon.

TIME OUT – A sermon gone too long…necessitating a trip to restroom and a step outside for fresh air.

REBOUND – Inspiring closing hymn following a boring sermon that brings congregation back to life.

SLAM DUNK – Using a little more force than intended during a baptism.

FAST BREAK – The mad dash to the parking lot at close of the service.

PICK AND ROLL – Brother ‘Blow-hard’ holding up the exit line as he tells pastor a ‘BIG TALE’…you roll to the left and exit thru side door for a clear shot to the parking lot.