'An Independent Baptist Church'

ADVICE TO SINGLES

One of the most neglected groups in Churches all across America is that segment of people who is not married....SINGLES..

In many churches there are:
Couples Retreats
family conferences
Marriage seminars
special classes for child rearing and discipline
Couples banquets for valentines Day
....and on and on

But little if anything is ever geared toward single people in churches across America.....We have all heard messages on marriage and couples, but when is the last time you ever heard a message or sermon for SINGLES?

Yet in every church there are many people who have never married, many who at one time were married, but now are divorced, or many widows or widowers whose spouse has died...

How often do we invite COUPLES and families to social events or parties, and forget about the single person...or the widow or widower.....or the divorced person?

Let's get more personal....how many of us will go to dinner today at some are restaurant, and we will invite another couple to go with us or meet us.....

and we forget that the single person ...widow...etc
we know very well is neglected and passed by ...and we never even think about asking them to go to dinner...

Yet many people here today will go to eat at a local restaurant and sit by themselves, or go home to dinner alone....with the same four walls and the same.....QUIET...

And loneliness and low self worth are so painful especially during this time of year...with the holidays coming up

Most of us can remember times in our lives when we were lonely......I remember when I was at college at Purdue.....3 hours away from home.....Oh, yes I made friends at college and found a church....and concentrated on my studies......but there were still times when I was very lonely.....

I determined after those dark and lonely times I would try to be a friend to single people who never married, those who have went through divorce, or those who have lost their spouse through death....

Down thru our lives, Lisa and I have been friends to the lonely and downcast....widow and widowers...

We determined Gospel Center would be a church for everybody......
Gospel Center would be a church for such people.....

This was the reason for....
SMS singles meeting Singles events like the one coming up with other area churches....

church events where singles are invited and welcome.....volleyball and basketball on Tues & Thur nights ....and tues nights Euchre for those who are not exactly into contact sports

It is my hope that this look at God's Word will accomplish at least 3 things:

1. Clear up confusion about Singles.  

They are not second class citizens....they're nothing odd or wrong with them!
In fact, God has called some people to single life and they are quite happy and content with that life.

2. Help we people who are not singles to be more aware of the singles around us and make an effort to befriend them and include them in the social things we do.

In two weeks, I serve notice that we have asked to take Lucille back there to dinner.......Her husband is passed on and she has no relatives nearby... there are countless such precious people in this church sitting right next to you who desperately need someone to be their friend..

Not only more AWARENESS.....

... I hope this study helps us to be careful of what we say around singles...

If not careful we can say some hurtful things....

We shouldn't say, "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET MARRIED?"  or...."WHY ARE YOU SO PICKY?" Are you one of "these"? (gay)
You'd better get someone before you're too old and its too late...."

Get Someone?  Sounds like going to grocery store and GETTING a carton of milk.....

One single older fellow replied to his buddies he was in
no rush to get married...he said "There a plenty of fish in the sea".. one of his buddies replied "Yes, but your bait is not what it used to be"

3. Encourage Singles in two ways:  

  (A) Those who are happy and content with single life to realize they are 'OKAY'....It is perfectly NORMAL for some people to be happy and content not being married.

  (B) Encourage who do wish to be married someday to be patient....and wait upon the Lord.......

(Some singles fear that even though they desire marriage so much, that God has maybe called them to a single life.....)

However I firmly believe this.....If you really want and desire the companionship of marriage, that God will, in His time, bring that special person to you for marriage.....Do not despair...!

Psalms 37:3-7 "Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
4  Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5  Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
6  And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
7  Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him:

ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT THINGS IN LIFE TO DO IS TO WAIT....

Often I have found, have you......that the Lord's timing is so different than how we would time things....

But God has a reason for His seeming delays....

As I look back at my college days, I see now WHY.....
I didn't have time for any distractions in Pharmacy school....

It may be that God is preparing both and you and your future mate for the responsibilities of marriage....
college, saving a nest egg, maturing, and growing in your walk with the Lord.....

I can look back and see now why I had to wait for my wife....I had to wait so I wouldn't be ARRESTED!
I had to wait til Lisa was 16 before I could start dating her and even think about marrying her...!!!!  We were married as soon as she turned 18!

I had to learn to wait upon the Lord...

But right here is where so many people make the mistake of their lives.....

We jump ahead of God and due to impatience, pressure from well-meaning relatives, pressure from our peers....we fear God has forgotten about us...and so many of us settle for someone who is not God's First choice for us....

Isaiah 41:9,10 "Thou whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called thee from the chief men thereof, and said unto thee, Thou art my servant; I have chosen thee, and not cast thee away.
10  Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.


Isaiah 40:31 " But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

So IN THE MEANTIME....for those of you who are single are this phase of your life....


Let's review some things we can learn about Singleness in God's Word

1. NOT EVERYONE IS CALLED TO MARRIAGE.  (Matthew 19:11,12)

Some people are perfectly happy and content to remain single....They can go and do as they please....and not answer to anyone.....less responsibility....more free time..

2. BEING MARRIED TO THE WRONG PERSON IS FAR WORSE THAN NOT BEING MARRIED AT ALL.....

Proverbs 21:9   
"It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house."

If you desire to be married, you'd better take your time and wait upon God's choice...and know in your heart this IS the person God wants to marry..

3. This phase of your life it may be best for you to be single...and God knows it....

Schooling,  Getting career established, settled in a job,  Single with children.....study after study shows...it is best for everyone involved to wait to remarry someone else until after children are raised....

Hold off 5 or 6 years......in most cases Dr. Laura has shown that it is best to remain single and concentrate on raising these kids...they have already had one trauma of losing a mom or a dad either thru divorce or death.....most cannot handle mom or dad's affection divided even more....most children desperately need that undivided attention of at least the one remaining parent especially during those
crucial teen years....

Statistics are devastating....

However if the kids are young
there is a much better chance of remarrying and everybody doing okay.....I have known lots of couples going ahead and remarrying when the kids were young and it worked out okay....

but it there are teens, wow, it might be best to wait a few years....before remarriage..

4. Use this time to grow personally.

Hone your career skills,
get that degree,
establish your business,
get your feet on the ground financially, get out of debt...
Go on that diet and get your health back in shape
Get that monkey off your back and shake that bad habit or addiction.....

Be a mother or father to those children you have...

Make new friends

Use this time to do what you love.....later on with diapers and marriage obligations you might not have the chance....

5. Grow Spiritually.

Spend time in this Book.....Get to know God's Word

Oh if we would quit running here and there....and fussing and fretting "will I ever find someone?"......

Get to know the Lord better so you can be a better example to your kids....or to be a better husband and wife when you do get married....

6. Use this time to serve the Lord and help other people.

1 Corinthians 7:32,33

"But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife."


7. REST AND WAIT UPON THE LORD TO BRING THE PERSON TO YOU...

Go about your normal life.....work, school, serving at church...and God will bring the person to you....

You seek the Lord and let the Lord seek you mate....

It is so sad to see so many people so desperate
for a mate that they waste time, money, and heartache...

Go to this party, go to this event,
Join this computer dating service, follow this lead or match up from people we don't even know....we're desperate....

buy new outfit, go to this distant town, wander why this person is not interested in me...maybe the problem is me.......

Just back off and wait upon the Lord....

8. Be REASONABLE......
Don't expect perfection
But don't compromise either...

It is funny what loneliness can do to a person...People with whom we have NOTHING IN COMMON...AND SOMETIMES HARDLY LIKE....ARE SUDDENLY ATTRACTIVE!

9. REMEMBER GOD SEES YOUR TEARS AND KNOWS YOUR HEARTACHE....HE HAS NOT FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU.

Psalms 56:8,9
"Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?   When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me.

10. GOD HAS YOUR BEST IN MIND

John 10:10 "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

My Single friend, if you have never married, or have been divorced, or are a widow or widower, do not lose Hope!!!

Our Lord Jesus cares about you and He will bring you companionship in His Time if that is the desire of your heart.

Trust Him.

Wait upon Him.

Don't get ahead of the Lord and become impatient.

You could make a terrible mistake.

Keep busy serving the Lord in the meantime.

.....and getting to know HIM BETTER.