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'An Independent Baptist Church' Dear Preechur We jist moved to Greenwood and we're hunting for a good church. Here's sum questshun so as to find out if we ort to join your outfit. We got a daughter who's at the mariagable age - 31. Do you have plenty of bachelors in yore church?The boy is 15, which means that he would be in the Inturidiot department. He ast me about yore fullupships. What do you serve - Lots of lemunade, donuts, cookys and hot dogs? We ain't gonna pay muny into a church which don't feel well. How much do you-all charge in cash for yore Wednesday supper? We think everybody under 32 ort to be free-for-nothing'. And 2 bits is enuf fer enyone else. By the time we put a dime apience in the collekshun plate, we jist barely have enuff left to keep our pikchure tube in good repair. We heer that you brodkast yore nite service. It's all right then to stay at home, ain't it? We kin look at TV and listen to the music from yore church as a sorta background effek. When you cum on to preach, we'll hafta turn you off so we can enjoy Ed. I hear sum of your sermums upset peepul so much they can't sleep, and Ed makes me laugh and relax. Now me and the ole woman want it under stood that we ain't gonna be graded in Sunday Skool. We want to heer the best teechur yore church's got, even if everybody's thurty years older than us. Oh, by th' way, whut class has the mos' socials? That's fer me! I kin put up with a secun-rat teecher if the class parties a hole lot. Kud eny of yore folks tell us about a nice house for sale, say about $1,500 with easy payments. We'd like fer the deecons to help us fix it up. They're servunts, ain't they? We're agin givin a lot of money to misshuns. If you got sum money left over, give it to a pore fambly like us. Junir needs a portabl TV fer his room. It strains him to walk frum his bed to the parlur. We'll be a-tryin' you out this Sunday, so have a good sampul surmum fer us. And if you don's notice us, smile reel big and shake hands, we shore will be mad! That gies fer yore deacons and ushers, too. Yours truly, Zeke Zilch and fambly |
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