FACING ANGER AND TEMPER

Do you have a temper?  Do you get angry easily?  Do you lose control?   Is it even embarrassing to you later?

Listen to what Colossians 3:8 says

" But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth."
 

A hot temper and uncontrollable anger is such a devastating sin....

I have seen it tear homes apart...

Marriages have been destroyed....

It has destroyed business relationships...

Cost people their careers..

It has ruined relationships between relatives and family members...

It has caused people to leave their church and friends they have had at that church for years....

It has lead to violence, prison, and even murder!

The closest thing I can compare an uncontrollable temper and anger to is a TORNADO! 

We had one around here recently and it didn't last long but it sure left a lot of devastation...

Not only can anger be such a devastating sin, it is also a HEINOUS sin....

Because...it reveals the animal nature of a person! 

Many people are charming and likeable until......

the least little things sets them off into a fit of rage....

and this 'nice' person is transformed into an irrational creature more like a WILD BEAST!

Do you know anyone like that?

This is the Bad type of STUBBORN anger I am talking about...

GOOD ANGER AND BAD ANGER

Now there is a good type of anger....

There are some things we should be angry about....

When evil is done, we should be angry..

When innocent people or children are done wrong we should be angry...

Recall Jesus was angry in Mark 3:5 at the Pharisees...

"And when he had looked round about on them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, he saith unto the man, Stretch forth thine hand. And he stretched it out: and his hand was restored whole as the other."

*By the way, as a side note, here is a good reason to avoid the newer Bible Versions and stay with the trusted King James Bible.  In Matthew 5:21,22 Jesus said,  "...Whosever is angry with his brother without a cause is in danger of the judgment..."

The New International Perversion (I mean 'version') omits that crucial phrase 'without a cause' and reads '...whosever is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment'...

That changes that verse to imply that Jesus was a sinning and subject to judgment!  Who says the new Bible don't change anything!
 

Recall when Jesus got angry and drove the money changers out of the temple...

So some 'controlled' anger is good....

But we're looking at the stubborn type of bad anger that results in uncontrollable rage or resentment...and it is wrong.

WHAT THE BIBLE HAS TO SAY ABOUT ANGER

The Bible has alot to say about this type of stubborn anger.  Let's lick our fingers and look at some verses in Proverbs on this topic....

14:29 He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.

If you want to be wise and successful in life in general, you had better learn to control your temper.

15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

We have got to learn to control our mouth!  It can get us in trouble so easily....If you want to stir things up and get into a lot of trouble, your 'grievous words' can sure get you into trouble!

15:18 A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.

Do you want trouble and strife down at the job, or at church, or in your marriage?  Stubborn anger and a hot-head temper can sure do it!

16:32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

If you and I have self-control over our anger, it will get us far in life and we can avoid a lot of trouble!

19:11 The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.

We have just got to learn to minor things go....and not get so upset over them.  People have caused themselves trouble over such insignificant and minor things!

19:19 A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment: for if thou deliver him, yet thou must do it again.

Your temper is going to get you in trouble sooner or later.  You can mark it down.

20:2 The fear of a king is as the roaring of a lion: whoso provoketh him to anger sinneth against his own soul.

One of these days, you're going to smart off to the wrong person and they're going to explain some things to you that you don't want explained.....

22:24,25  Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go:  Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.

The Bible even says to not even be friends with a hot-head....

You will learn their ways and it will rub off on you1

This is why parents should be so careful to control their temper around their kids...because they will learn that trait from their parents....

29:22,23 An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.  A man's pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit.

Anger and temper has caused STRIFE in marriages and in churches....and in offices......and the list could go on and on.....

Often we become angry and let our temper blow because of pride!  We feel we've been wronged, or we didn't get our way...

Now move over to Ecclesiastes 7:9  "Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools."

Here the Bible calls a hot-tempered man who can't control his anger a FOOL!

Someone says, "Preacher, I don't like you calling me a fool..."

I didn't call you a fool....God did!

Okay so let's summarize what we have learned....

THE EFFECTS OF STUBBORN ANGER AND A HOT TEMPER

1. It makes you look like a fool.

2. It ruins your testimony.

How many of you have witnessed a person you respected completely lose their cool and throw a temper rage and tantrum and it caused you to lose respect for them?  Nothing can blow your testimony as a Christian quicker than a hot temper!

3. It causes you to lose your joy.

Angry people are not very happy people.  They usually go around steaming...just waiting for the least little thing to 'set them off'!

Do you recall back in Genesis 4:6 when Cain was angry with Abel and God said, "Why are you wroth?"  and "Why hath your countenance fallen?"

Anger will take away your joy.  If you are a hot-tempered person full of anger, you will not be a very happy person.

4. Stubborn anger is detrimental to our health.

If you are a walking time bomb that just can't overlook little things....It will get you one of these days.....This type of anger has a serious effect on the human body....

5. Anger not dealt with turns to resentment..

...a repressed type of anger that will just eat at you like cancer....It hurts you a lot more than the person you're angry at!

I know people who have been angry and still are angry over something that happened YEARS ago!

6. Anger carries a terribly high cost.

There will be consequences with an uncontrollable anger and temper.  We mentioned some consequences earlier....it can destroy homes, friendships, marriages, relationships, careers, and as in Cain's case, it can lead to MURDER!  

How many people in a fit of rage committed a terrible act of violence for which they are in prison now for?

The following true story illustrates this.  A preacher related that one evening a handsome elderly gentleman approached and asked the preacher to perform a wedding ceremony for him and his companion.  He said said, "Now preacher, both me and my wife to be have been married before....to each other."  He went on to explain that he and his wife got into an argument and he got mad and he couldn't let it go.  He did a stupid thing by getting a divorce over the matter!  For 30 years due to stubborn anger we lived alone and apart.  Bitterness robbed us of the joy of life for 30 years!  We're asking God to give us a few more years of happiness together before we die.
 

Anger will cost you my friend.

Let's now turn to the New Testament to see how to deal with our anger....
 

Ephesians 4:26-32  Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 27 Neither give place to the devil.
28 Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. 29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Notice the first thing we learn about anger is that when you do get angry...and we all will.....don't let it linger.  Deal with it and move on....We have got to learn to not let things continue to eat at us....

For example if a husband and wife have an argument...it is best to resolve it and forget it...

Because if you let it linger on...and you don't settle it...and you 'let the Sun go down on your wrath' so to speak and you don't resolve it....you are 'giving place to the devil'...

In other words you are giving the devil a chance to move in and possibly begin to set the seed of bitterness in your heart...which could lead to all kinds of trouble....usually just over something minor.....most of the time!

You husbands and wives can probably relate to what I'm saying...

Do you recall times you and your spouse got into an argument...and isn't it usually when we're tired or stressed out from the day's activities....and we get into it about something....

Do you recall how that unless you settled that thing and moved on....it just 'festered' and you got to thinking about it and it suddenly had blown way out of proportion?

Notice the steps the devil uses if we let anger linger in our hearts and how we 'give place to the devil' through our anger and temper....

SIX STEPS THE DEVIL USES OUR STUBBORN ANGER

We get these steps from Ephesians 4:31 we read above.  Mark the words in the verse...

Step 1 - Bitterness

A feeling of resentment...someone has done you wrong!

Step 2 - Wrath

(Gk) meaning 'hot'....A slow burn starts to smolder inside as you think about how the person or events have 'done you wrong'....

Step 3 - Anger

While the wrath starts 'INSIDE'...it progresses to the next step of anger when it goes OUTWARD with anger!  The smoldering inside of you bursts into FLAMES...so to speak....an outward active, hostility.

Step 4 - Clamour

Your anger results in LOUD- VOCAL reaction!  Tears, Shouting...

Do you recall when you and your mate was having one of these, what we call, 'INTENSE MOMENTS OF FELLOWSHIP' and you said something like this, "Honey, you don't need to shout..."

and your spouse said, "Shout?  I'M NOT SHOUTING!!!!"

Step 5 - Evil Speaking

You progress to saying hateful, cruel things....you never really meant to say...and you could regret later....and they really hurt the other person....and it is this stage that the person it is directed to...has a hard time forgetting....even if you apologize!

Step 6 - Malice

Malice has the idea wishing and attempting retribution towards the other person...you want to 'hurt' them either physically or with words....

I have known men and women who have progressed to this stage of their anger and they have really turned on people who were their friends and actually tried to destroy them and their reputation and work...

It has to do really with their pride being hurt...so they want to get back and get even......

Can we all think of examples where we have either experienced these stages above....or have been the recipient of them?

Can you see why we, especially as believers, must learn to control our anger and temper before it gets to these destructive stages?
 

HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR ANGER AND TEMPER

I believe the Bible teaches 4 steps to deal with our anger and the process is summarized by four words:

CONFESS IT

CONSIDER ITS CONSEQUENCES

CONTROL IT

COUNTERACT IT WITH ACTS OF KINDNESS

Let's look more closely at these 4 steps, especially if you are prone to stubborn anger and fits of temper.

1. CONFESS IT.

The first step is to realize you have a problem and you want to get rid of it!  You are tired and fed up with what it is doing to you and to those around you whom you love and care about.

No more excuses, like "Well, it runs in my family"...

or "That's just the way I am"......

Right.

Or "My temper only lasts a little while"...

Yes, and so did that tornado a little while back and there still cleaning up from the devastation it left!

Admit it is a sin and confess it to the Lord!

Ask the Lord to forgive you and ask His help to overcome it as you rely on the Holy Spirit to help you. 

If you are not born-again, you need to be now, otherwise there is nothing more that can be done to help you.  If you are unsaved, your anger is eventually going to cause destruction.

2. CONSIDER ITS CAUSES AND CONSEQUENCES.

Identify what it is that causes you to get angry and be on guard for these 'causes'....prepare for them.... Stay away from such 'catalysts' if you must....

I know that when I'm tired is not a good time for my wife and I to discuss things....I ashamed to admit that I'm a little more 'grouchy' and 'prone to get upset' over little things when I'm tired...so I have learned over the years to see it coming...and I've learned to avoid situations that could lead to arguments when I'm tired or exhausted, especially late at night. 

You too, can look for areas that have caused you trouble in the past....and be prepared for them.....avoid them or plan to keep your mouth shut and discuss the matter at a later time!

Also, not only consider the causes, but consider the consequences of uncontrolled anger.

We have seen what stubborn anger can do... We have seen what a fit of rage and temper can do...do we want to risk the consequences?  Is it really worth it?

By the way, do you realize if you are a 'hot-head'...your children will learn that from you.....and they will react the same way you do when they face situations in life....Why?  Because they have watched you and learned it from you!

3. CONTROL IT.  

The Bible says in Psalms 37:8

" Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil."

Now My Friend, if the Bible commands us to 'cease' from anger...then we certainly must be able to do just that, right?

When you become angry, STOP!

Consider the consequences. 

Keep your mouth shut!

Remember what Ephesians 4:29 said,

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."
 

Wonder why the Lord put those instructions right in here when He is talking about controlling our anger?

Our mouths are usually what get us in trouble when we're angry!

Washington Irving said, "The only edged tool that gets sharper with use...is the tongue.."

How true.

Pray and ask the Lord to help right then!  Quote a particular Bible verse, such as Ephesians 4:26,27 and don't 'give place to the devil"!  

Resist the devil and he will flee from you, James 4:7 says...

And...you must resist him with God's Word!

4. COUNTERACT ANGER WITH KINDNESS.

Notice what Ephesians 4:32 says,

"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

Now why did the Lord put that instruction here? 

My friend, the quickest way to dispel anger and hard feelings is to return an act of kindness. 

The Bible in Romans 12:20 calls it 'heaping coals of fire upon his head"...

Romans 12:20 "Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. 21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good."
 

That verse used to confuse me until I understood what it meant.

One elderly lady went to her pastor for advice because she could not get along with her husband and the pastor quoted this verse to the lady and said, "Have you tried heaping coals of fire upon his head?"  She replied no that she had not, but she had thrown scalding water upon him a time or two!

To understand what this verse is saying, we must go back to Egyptian customs in Bible days.  If a person had done someone wrong, and he realized it later, he would express his shame for the deed by walking around publicly with a pan of hot coals on his head....

If we return an act of kindness to someone who is angry with us....instead of trying get revenge and get back at them.....It will make them ashamed...and possibly could win you a friend!

One preacher told the story that illustrates this point.  He was going to the McDonald's Drive thru and accidentally cut a lady off.

She flew off the handle right then and there!  She rolled down the window and began screaming at the preacher...in front of everybody....and honking her horn.....and making obscene gestures....He said it was really a "Multi-media Presentation"!

As he was paying for his order in the drive thru, he noticed that the upset lady was still in line right behind him.  He told the cashier at the window, that he wanted to PAY for the lady's bill behind him in line.  The cashier in astonishment told him the amount and he paid it, and pulled up and waited to see the lady's reaction.

Well, it was priceless, as you could well imagine.

My friend, if we return kindness to those who have done us wrong and perhaps made us angry....it can have tremendous results!

 

Consider the consequences.  Don't let the devil advance you to those six stages of anger, because you know you will regret it later.

Realize your Christian testimony is at stake.  Your reputation is at stake.  Your marriage and family is at stake.  Friendships are at stake.

With God's help you can control your anger.  The Holy Spirit can help you.  When you fail, get back up and ask God's help again...and again.   Get busy serving the Lord.   Keep resisting the devil with God's Word and He will flee from you.

If you are not born-again, you need to be saved....before anger destroys you and everything around you.  The Bible says in Romans 10:13,

"For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."

My friend, that means you!  As you realize your lost and sinful condition, won't you call upon Christ to save you as you trust His shed blood at Calvary to wash away your sins?